My Loved One Wants Me to Lose Weight… Now What?
TL;DR: If your loved one wants you to lose weight, won’t shut up about your body or “health,” or acts like your recovery is a personal inconvenience, this post is for you. We’re calling bullshit on “I’m just concerned,” unpacking how diet culture poisons relationships, and naming the quiet damage caused by constant body commentary. This is about boundaries that don’t ask for permission, love that doesn’t require shrinking, and the radical idea that your body is not a group project. If support hurts, it’s not support—and you don’t have to sacrifice your recovery to keep someone comfortable.
Quitting dieting is often sold as a personal decision. Just stop tracking, stop restricting, listen to your body, heal your relationship with food. And while that work is deeply internal, what no one prepares you for is how loudly diet culture can show up in your closest relationships—especially with a partner, friend or loved one.
For many people in diet recovery, one of the most painful surprises is this: I stopped dieting, but my loved ones didn’t.
Maybe your friend/family/partner wants you to lose weight. Maybe they say they’re “just worried about your health.” Maybe they don’t find you as attractive anymore—or at least, that’s what their comments imply. Or maybe they keep making offhand remarks about food, bodies, or exercise that feel like tiny paper cuts you can’t escape.
This isn’t just uncomfortable. It can feel destabilizing, confusing, and deeply personal. And it raises a hard question:
What do you do when the person (or people!) you love won’t stop bringing diet culture into your recovery?
Why These Comments Hit So Hard
Comments from strangers are annoying. Comments from a loved one? They hit differently.
They are often our primary source of emotional safety, intimacy, and validation. When diet culture enters that space, it can feel like your recovery—and your worth—are suddenly up for debate.
When someone close to you comments on your weight, your food choices, or your health, it’s rarely just about the words themselves. It’s about what they represent:
Fear of change
Internalized fatphobia
A belief that weight loss equals care
Discomfort with uncertainty
A loss of control over how the relationship “used to be”
Even when framed as concern, these comments can land as conditional love: I support you… as long as your body doesn’t change too much.
And that hurts.
“I’m Just Worried About Your Health” (And Other Diet Culture Dog Whistles)
One of the most common justifications for body commentary is “health.”
On the surface, it sounds reasonable—even loving. But in diet culture, “health” is often used as a socially acceptable way to police bodies.
Ask yourself:
Would this concern exist if weight wasn’t visible?
Is health being defined solely by size, food, or exercise?
Is this about my wellbeing—or their discomfort?
Health is complex, nuanced, and deeply personal. And for someone in diet recovery, unsolicited health commentary can undermine trust in their body and decision-making.
You are allowed to decide what health means for you. And you are allowed to opt out of conversations that reduce your worth to your weight.
Speak Up or STFU? How to Know the Difference
You’re allowed to let some comments slide. And you’re allowed to speak up when it matters. The goal isn’t perfection — it’s choosing what feels right for you.
It may be worth speaking up when:
The comments are repeated or escalating
Your mental health is being impacted
Your recovery feels threatened
Staying silent feels like abandoning yourself
Examples include:
“You’ve gained weight.”
“Are you sure you should eat that?”
“I just miss when you were more disciplined.”
It may be okay to let it go when:
It was a one-off, awkward comment
Your partner, friend, loved one is clearly trying (but clumsy)
You’re not regulated enough to have the conversation yet
Choosing not to engage immediately doesn’t mean you agree. Sometimes, it means you’re protecting your energy.
Do a Gut Check Before You Confront
Before jumping into a hard conversation, it can help to pause and get honest with yourself.
Ask:
Am I trying to convince them so I can feel worthy again?
Do I want understanding—or permission?
Am I hoping they’ll validate my body so I don’t have to?
If nothing about their beliefs changed, what boundary would I need?
This matters because confronting them from a place of self-abandonment often leads to more hurt. Boundaries work best when they’re rooted in self-trust—not a need for approval.
The Offhand Comments That Are Still Diet Culture
Not all harmful comments mention your body directly.
Diet culture often shows up in the background of everyday conversations:
“I’m being good today.”
“I feel gross after eating that.”
“We should start going to the gym together.”
Complimenting weight loss in others
Constantly consuming or discussing health and fitness content
Even when these comments aren’t about you, they still land on your body. This is what we call ambient diet culture—the background noise that reinforces shame and control, even without direct targeting.
You’re not “too sensitive” for being affected by it. You’re human.
Putting Yourself in Each Other’s Shoes (Without Minimizing Harm)
For many loved ones, diet recovery may actually feel threatening—not because it’s wrong, but because it disrupts familiar beliefs.
They may have been taught:
Weight loss equals responsibility
Concern equals commenting
Attraction must be size-dependent
Your recovery might feel like loss of control, fear of change, or uncertainty about the future.
At the same time, imagine this:
Trying to quit dieting while your loved one keeps commenting on your body is like trying to quit smoking while someone lights a cigarette next to you.
Intentions don’t erase impact.
Boundaries That Actually Protect Recovery
Boundaries aren’t about getting someone to agree with you. They’re about protecting your wellbeing.
Examples of recovery-supportive boundaries:
“I’m not open to comments about my body or weight.”
“If you’re worried, ask me how I’m doing emotionally—not physically.”
“Diet talk isn’t something I can engage in right now.”
“If weight loss comes up, I’ll change the subject or leave the conversation.”
Boundaries are information plus action. You don’t need permission to set them.
For Support People Who Want to Do Better
If you’re the support person reading this and feeling defensive—or unsure what support actually looks like—here’s where to start:
Ask permission before giving opinions
Believe them when they tell you something is harmful (LOUDER for the people in the back!)
Compliment non-body qualities
Examine your own relationship with diet culture
Do your own learning instead of outsourcing it
A powerful question to ask:
“How can I make this easier for you?”
Support isn’t about perfection. It’s about willingness and openness and communication.
The Hard Truths
Diet recovery doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It happens in relationships, systems, and bodies shaped by culture.
Sometimes, loving someone through recovery requires discomfort. Sometimes it requires unlearning. And sometimes, it reveals limits—about what a relationship can hold.
Attraction and respect are not the same thing, but both matter. And you are allowed to choose yourself, even when it’s complicated.
If someone won’t stop harming your recovery, that’s not a personal failure. It’s information.
Your body is not a problem to solve. And love should never require you to shrink.
P.S. If diet culture is showing up in your relationships and you’re tired of carrying it solo, Diet Recovery Club has your back. Podcast episodes, blog posts, and drop-in support groups—real support, no shrinking required.
You can:
🎧 Listen to our podcast for honest conversations about diet recovery, body autonomy, and unlearning diet culture
📚 Explore our blog for practical tools, validation, and real-life nuance
💬 Join our drop-in support group for community, connection, and live support as you ditch dieting in real time
You deserve support that doesn’t ask you to shrink—and we’re really glad you’re here.
About the Authors
About Alison
Alison (she/her) is a registered dietitian nutritionist (RDN) and yoga teacher based in Fernandina Beach, FL, who supports people feeling lost or overwhelmed around food and body image. After years of internalizing diet culture — complete with restriction, scale-watching, and “normal” exercise — she found peace through curiosity, therapy, and anti-diet principles like weight-neutrality and gentle nutrition. Check out Alison’s practice website here!
About Keri
Keri (she/her) is an LCSW and therapist in private practice in Tampa, FL, whose journey out of chronic dieting fuels her passion for helping others break free from food and body obsession. She’s “read all the books,” lived the struggle herself, and now uses her clinical expertise to guide people toward self-trust and freedom from shame. Check out Keri’s practice website here!
